I can only write as my point of view and my opinions. I know a number of great mothers that can go and have the best experiences in dating but “cough, cough” I haven’t had any of these and maybe it’s not my time. That half should be a, to-be-continued post… Anyway this is about my experiences with dating and being a mom full time.
When I split up from my ex, I right away thought, there has to be better. I started going out and meeting all these new people, even some from the good old Highschool days. I went from party, to bar, to online dating, not finding anything interesting. Because after 10 years, the dating scene had changed, or maybe I never knew because I married my high school sweetheart, either way things were looking scary.
It seemed that everyone was into texting and no phone calls. I was raised that a man should always call a women first, now a days, it’s seems insulting for a guy “to do all the work”. I mean REALLY, how hard is it to pick up the phone or even text is this lazy generation. Back in the day you had to court a woman, show that you were worthy. Be a gentleman. I was amazed at how many men got offended when I wouldn’t say to them Good Morning first. Let me be real here, girls are sensitive and overthinkers. If I text you first, I will feel anxious till I hear a response. It’s amazing how our minds wonder to the worst! Ok, so back to it, I mean really?? Do you really spend so much energy on making a girl feel good?!?
So next qualifying deference in the generation, THERE ARE NO DATES. Everyone seems to “Netfix and chill”, Oh Lordy!! Can I at least get a meal out of this and maybe a conversation?!? I mean really you want to impress me?!? Take me out!! Me going into your dark living room is the perfect setting to “get to know you” let’s be real that is the complete opposite, especially when I walk in and you’re in lounge wear, as I spent all this time making myself look and smell good. – We all know moms don’t have time for that, we have kids to attend too. We are lucky if we have more than 10 minutes in the shower, by 20 the kids have already colored half the house. Just so I can ruin it before I even know your last name!?! It seems extremely confusing, when don’t you wanna make sure you get along?!? Just jump the gun, why don’t we?!? Don’t get me wrong sex is important and great but a little Wine and Dine really isn’t that hard.
As all this is going on, every time I try to date, I question, Am I really this old fashioned. I don’t believe I am. Can I please feel wanted?!? I believe this is the generation of laziness. Too focused on getting the goods before the work, and that goes with a lot of other things, we won’t discuss now. I tried so hard to let go of my anxiousness by drinking but I always ended up drinking till I was over the porcelain god. It to me seemed way too stressful. Even during the week focusing on, is he gonna respond, does he like me, does he think I’m a slut because I slept with him the first night? There was no time for me to fucus on me. And when I realized this, I stopped dating and started dating myself.
These days I focus on me, so I can take care of my son, work, friends, and family. I thought at first it was going to be lonely not having that attention, but I didn’t. In my spare time, I focused on things I enjoy. I started reading more, taking care of my skin, my nails, and doing yoga. All the things I didn’t have time for, if I focused on dating. I will be honest it hurts to loose your partner, the one you imagined forever with, I think it lowers the self esteem, makes women question their worth in the world. It did at least for me. If I work on myself, I’ll attract better quality because I’ll realize I am worth it and I will attract the gentleman for me.
So these days I spend my time in fashion magazines, making my self feel beautiful and going out and eating that Chinese I really want and reflecting on how I can be a better mother and person when my son gets home. That is truly dating yourself and I’m really enjoying it.