It’s funny to think that for years I had been writing but not really doing anything with it. I had started this Blog with no clue on what to actually write about. Looking back, it definitely isn’t perfect. I had some laughs, writing is very challenging and scary. People read your words, and they can rip you apart just for not having correct grammar, then we add in our point of view and narratives. It’s scary!! When I think about writing though, I doesn’t scare me as much as others. Maybe that’s because I know half won’t read it and the other half will be proud for expressing myself, in a healthy manner, because they understand it’s not about the perfection, it’s about passion. Passion isn’t something teachable, it’s natural and then you learn to hone in on the skills, it’s magical. It isn’t easy, actually very nerve racking to be honest but I don’t think I’m ready to give up hope, because it makes me happy.
With the Pandemic things have changed for everyone; new rules, stay at home orders, and a new way of living. There isn’t a right answer for any of it. But what I do know, is my world personally changed. I didn’t believe we were in Lockdown at first, then the emails and calls regarding my doctors appointments being rescheduled came in, to then being asked to go on medical leave because of underlying health issues that put me at high risk for Covid-19. Curveball thrown at me!!! I lived my whole life with minimal complications, and now my world has stopped, while outside the world opened up, without me. I guess with the years of trauma, I’ve learned how to survive and enjoy the little things. Being creative is also really important for controlling my anxiety, and if you don’t have it right now, let me know the secret, cause I’ve given it to God but that’s not all I have to do. I have to do some of the work too. For me writing is my obsession.
I write almost daily about the current events of the World. The chaos that we the people are dealing with on a daily basis; the hurt, the confusion, the tears, the joys, the amount of history being written. I have wrote about past adventures with people and the new ones, my own fears and goals, the new man of the hour, the amount of pressure I’m under as a single Mom to do everything and still be on my A-game. Writing has been such an outlet for me that I have now stepped out and entered writing contests. No, I’m not the best, but am I going to let that stop me? Heck No! I’ve actually made it pretty far and that just boosts the passion and the motivation to pick it up and go as far as I can. Hence why I picked back up my blog.
Because during this storm before I almost spiraled and hit rock bottom. I remembered some very important tools and that was to share my story, express myself in a healthy manner, and to remember I have the power to write my story, and edit as many times as needed. So things definitely look different on my end, I’m trying out things I would have never had time for, and I’m learning a new deeper level of myself. It’s called self-care and I’m using it, I’ve never made actual time for it before. And believe me, my job as a full-time single mom hasn’t stopped. I’ve learned so much more about my son, I was shocked at the sweet child I’m raising. I’ve really tried to focus on the core of what really matters to me and not what others will think, that might be the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I never want to be a let down, but who do I pick, letting down myself, or letting down my clients for the time being.
I, as a hairstylist, have put people before me and my health, even at the cost of time with my son. I won’t blame anyone but myself, because truly at core of my heart, I love making people look and feel beautiful and that is my job. I had to get enough strength to communicate with my clients the importance of me stepping back from behind the chair due to health concerns. I wanted to be brave, but I know I’m all my son has and I wouldn’t have doctors concerned if it was a joke. I know some were very understanding and others not so much. It hurt, because I want to please everyone, but I can’t, and it shows. What I have done is grow as a person and found my true authentic self. A journey I’ve been on for a while and am still going to be on in the future. But it’s new and it’s fun and all I’m doing is using the tools I was taught. It’s everchanging and enlightening. And a secret of mine when the World is spinning and you want it to stop, you stop and focus on the core of you and why you feel this way.
The answer for me was to stop and breathe for once, something that doesn’t come easy for me. To write my little heart out, while enjoying each moment and adventure in the ever changing World around us. I don’t know what my future holds like most of America, what I do know is I’m gonna keep on writing, learning, enjoying my son, and loving the life I’m blessed with and the people I’m surrounded by. Until it’s time for change again.