In March of 2020 America changed for everyone, we were put on lock down. I never expected to be sitting here today writing instead of doing my job. I’m a professional hairstylist, that has worked my butt off to get where I was at, before March. I had saved enough money to move out of my small two bedroom apartment with my son and actually live in a house. Yes, I know I’m blessed, but I have Dreams. That was a goal of mine that I had set in 2019. 2020 did a huge plot twist on so many people. The world went into a Pandemic with a highly contagious virus that is still unresolved. And half of America believes it’s a political scam, so they won’t follow simple guidelines.
I’m one of the percentages, even for my age; that was in the too high risk for complications due to Covid-19, when America opened back up. My health was never a super big complication of my life, I lived with it. Yes, I know I have a very poor immune system, I have many doctors, had many hospital visits, more than most 35 year old’s. I have pushed through every sickness, surgery, medication, and fatigue to be the best mom to my son, an employee, and hairstylist. I have also put in many hours in helping out people, whether it be volunteering my time, my skills, my driving, and even donating, because I’m a giver by nature. But…. How far can that go on as I take care of everyone but myself. Well REALITY CHECK!! This “little” Pandemic stopped me and made me realize some of my biggest fears, my toxic traits, and how I can be a better version of myself.
With all this time on my hands, I had to reflect on myself. I realized some truths about myself and others. Change can mess with people, good and bad, it’s which way you want to handle it. I want to handle it like I know how to, that’s through Knowledge, Compassion, Creativity, and Love. I had to announce that I wasn’t going back to work because of my health being a concern in the uncertainty of the world, being this isn’t just America, this is Global. I was not scared of the Virus as much as I was of the backlash of my clients, to the point I had a speech I had wrote and talked to my therapist about it. He warned me of the consequences of the truths. See I don’t want a pity party from people so I don’t tell everyone all my issues, that’s why they made HIPPA it’s my choice, and I have a therapist and many intelligent doctors keeping me going strong who all know my truths.
I received the backlash and the hate, I knew would be coming but just not from some people. I learned who is by my side to protect me and who is only selfishly trying get what they want. Believe me, I am extremely hard on myself for stepping back from behind the chair, but in my heart I knew I had to do it for my son. I want to see him grow into the handsome man that I am raising. I want him to tell me to “Stop embarrassing him”, I never want to miss his first dance or his graduation, the day he tells me he’s getting married. I want to hold my grandchild and look at my legacy I helped create, these are the moments that I want. And I know my son wants these too.
He sadly see’s the pain, the sickness, the fatigue, the medications, the doctors first hand. I never wanted that for my son but I can’t help it. He’s getting older, he askes why I’m sick, how he can help? He leaves me Get Well Cards. I fight hard for him so I do everything asked, and I try to help reassure him, I’m not going anywhere, because God created us to be a family and he’s stuck with me. I disappointed the people I thought were by my side. I gave them resources, I did everything I could, but because I choose my health and my son during a Pandemic, I lost people I thought were my friends.
What I do understand is, I tell them I love them and wish them well. I don’t wish my life on anyone, it’s mine and I own it flaws and all. I’m here to make a difference whether it be behind the chair or behind a computer, you won’t hold me back, that’s the beauty of having Knowledge, Compassion, Love, Creativity and being a Daughter of God. He blesses us in so many ways, you just have to look for them. With every person that has walked away during this time another has stepped up and helped me without even being asked. That is a blessing!
Hence why I picked up this amazing writing adventure, I joined a Writing Academy to really learn more. I have chosen to open up myself to the world, to take a risk, I could never do before. I didn’t have time, I had an excuse, so I just kept journaling away my life till now. This is my opportunity to take a Dream and make it reality. Will it be easy? NO! Will I have to learn so much more? YES!! Will I succeed? YES!! Do you know why? Because I have never let anything stop me and I learned many years ago “The only thing constant is change”.
I’m still hurt and hoping I’ll be back behind the chair someday soon, because I do love it and it’s still a passion for me but for now; I am embracing the reality of the world and the fact that I and many others are having to hangout while America runs it’s course. I won’t apologize anymore, I’m going to protect my son and I as best as possible and get us both through this uncertain time. Because he looks up to me for answers and it’s my job, to make sure he has them, and to be his rock on this Earth.
To the people who are disappointed, upset and have backed away loudly and/or quietly, Thank you, I realized that the only thing that matters is, me believing in myself. After years of abuse and then even more years of therapy, I can say I am slowly believing in my own personal potential. Am I there all the way? NO!! Will I get there? YES!! It takes practice and the fact that not everyone will be accepting of my choices and that’s ok.